Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
