Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
