I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A bitchslap is in order.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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