Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
