do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
