I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
