today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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