I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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