Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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