Will you blow on my dice?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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