Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
