Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you win again, gameday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
