You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Operation Purity has been aborted
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
