I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
