if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
