there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
