yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
