idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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