oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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