dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
