one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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