The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
