i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
