I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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