I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
