I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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