found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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