Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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