why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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