Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
