YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
