proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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