I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
