hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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