I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
