Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
