Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
