you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
