Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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