shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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