I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
