i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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