my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
