honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
