Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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