I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
