The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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