Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
