Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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