Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
