Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
