he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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