i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
