i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
