The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
