I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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