thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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