The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
