So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
