the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
